Definition
A possible process of liberation from resentment, distinct from forgetfulness, automatic excuse and compulsory reconciliation.
Forgiveness is an internal process by which a person seeks to reduce the lasting hold of resentment. It can be progressive, incomplete and independent of reconciliation. Forgiveness does not efface facts, responsibility, or the need to protect the victim.
To be retained
- Distinguish forgiveness and forget
- Don't confuse forgiveness and reconciliation
- Respect the pace of the injured person
- Maintaining the necessary limits
Origin of the term and context
The word derives from the late Latin partaronare, "give completely". In practice, forgiveness has different religious, psychological, legal and relational meanings.
Why does it matter?
Forgiveness can reduce the lasting hold of an offence on the inner life. It must remain free and never be demanded of a victim as a condition of healing.
- Reduce Rumination in Some People
- Restoring a margin of internal freedom
- Sometimes calming relationships
- Never replace justice or protection
How can I practice it?
- Clearly recognize the harm suffered
- Distinguish forgiveness, forgetfulness and reconciliation
- Selecting protective limits
- Move forward at its own pace, possibly with accompaniment
Misconceptions and points of caution
- Forgiveing doesn't mean apologizing.
- Forgiveing doesn't necessarily mean to get back in the relationship.
- Forgiveness must never be imposed.
Perspectives from different traditions
- Christianity: forgiveness received and given.
- Buddhism: progressive abandonment of hatred.
- Ubuntu: restoring community ties where possible.
To go further
- Forgiveness — Olivier Abel
- Forgive for Good — Fred Luskin