Definition
Voluntary attention to the speech, silence and context of a person, without immediately preparing his own response.
Listening understands words, but also rhythm, hesitation and what is not known. It gains in accuracy when it checks its interpretations instead of pretending to read in the minds of others.
To be retained
- Being present rather than performing
- Reword without misinterpreting
- Welcome silence
- Know how to orientate to competent aid
Origin of the term and context
Listening comes from the Latin auscultare, "live l'oreille". Active listening was developed in the 20th century in humanistic psychology, especially around Carl Rogers.
Why does it matter?
Quality listening can reduce misunderstandings and support the feeling of being recognized. It does not replace a professional diagnosis or urgent intervention when a person is at risk.
- Being present rather than performing
- Reword without misinterpreting
- Welcome silence
- Know how to orientate to competent aid
How can it be explored or practised?
- Reword a sentence before answering
- Ask an open question and wait
- Discourage distractions for 10 minutes
- Ask: "Do you want a listening or a solution?"
Misconceptions and points of caution
- Listening doesn't give you the right to investigate.
- Confidentiality has limits in case of danger.
- Careful listening is not psychotherapy.
Perspectives from different traditions
- Quakerism: shared silence and measured speech.
- Committance Buddhism: listening deeply to suffering.
- Humanistic psychology: congruence, empathy and positive eyes.
To go further
- Personal Development — Carl Rogers
- Stop being nice, be true! — Thomas d'Ansemburg